Cheeky cable from Ashgabat: Cat tried to assassinate the president of Turkmenistan

A mischievously written January 2010 missive from Ashgabat, the capital of Turkmenistan, reports that a cat may have tried to kill President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov in November 2009:

Another incident reportedly occurred two months ago that was feared to be an assassination attempt. It was committed by a cat that ran in front of the President's car as he was traveling to his residence in the village of Archibil. (NOTE: Archabil, 20 kilometers from Ashgabat, is located in the foothills of the Kopet Dag Mountains and is surrounded by forest. END NOTE) A military lieutenant reported that an officer from the Presidential Security Regiment, responsible for safeguarding that particular area, was fired the following day.

The cable was signed by Sylvia Reed Curran, then the chargé d'affaires. In all seriousness, Curran does relay rumors that "[s]everal high ranking police officials were fired" after "a motorist crossed an intersection in front President Berdimuhamedov's motorcade as it moved through Ashgabat."

"[T]he driver of the vehicle was reportedly beaten and charged with attempted assassination," she writes.